There are countless times in life when I have heard a guy say something along the lines of, "But I'm such a nice guy. Why doesn't she like me?" or "I guess that's what I get for being a nice guy." This type of logic is rampant: there are movies, comics, memes, and entire forums dedicated to the 'nice guy' conundrum. And though the anecdotal evidence does tend to favor men more heavily, I've heard both genders resort to this logic of niceness. How the idea came about that niceness was the only requirement for goal achievement (especially romantic goals), I really don't know. All that aside, whoever and wherever this logic is being used... Just stop. Right now.
The logic of niceness is bullshit.
If you find that offensive, I'm sorry. But not actually...
So, you are a "nice" human being, and this is your
primary reason that you should be getting what you want?
Sorry friend... but you need to re-evaluate.
Being nice is pretty much the minimum requirement for any positive human interaction. Being nice to someone ensures one thing, and one thing only... that they will not, upon meeting you, immediately write you off. Sometimes it doesn't even ensure that! Being nice is an invitation into the room - it is not an invitation to the table, and it most definitely will not assure that you win the game.
If you want to convince someone you are worth the romantic time of day, you need to be more than nice! Be passionate, be skilled, be funny, be interesting, be confident, be bold! In other words...
Bring something else to the table.
As a functioning member of society you are, unless given a good reason, expected to be nice to everyone. You are nice to someone, they are nice back. The golden rule. Pre-school stuff. As I said before, being nice is the the absolute minimum requirement for superficial human interaction. And if you are only putting in the minimum requirement, why would you ever expect to get out the maximum gain? Stop asking yourself: 'Am I nice?'
Am I interesting?
Am I funny?
How am I improving this situation?
Am I confident in myself as a human being?
What can I give this person that someone else can't?
Human interaction is, in it's basest form, structured around people having needs and desires and searching for the fulfillment of these needs and desires in others. This might seem like a cold way to look at the situation, but it is not meant to be. I am not only talking about the the desire for sex. I am talking about the desire for comfort, for contentment, for understanding, for love.
Anyone can be nice, but not just anyone can make you feel like you belong, like you aren't alone in the crazy beautiful world. Not just anyone can make you feel loved.
Of course, this does not apply exactly the same way in every single situation; however, it is something to consider next time you catch yourself wondering why you have less game then a grandma playing Halo. Those "asshole" guys that always seem to stand in direct contest with the "nice" guys are probably bringing something else to the table. They have more to offer than the bare minimum. All people, not just women, want more than nice from their romantic relationships - they want laughter, excitement, love, and in my case a challenge. I could never see myself with someone who isn't willing to stand up to me when I'm wrong, tell me off when I'm being dramatic, and challenge my opinions and my perspective. I want someone who will challenge me to be a better person, someone who will push me to be the absolute best version of myself - and niceness in and of itself just doesn't cut it.
Learn to deliver a spot on critique, tell a hilarious joke, or spin a scintillating story.
Develop a new skill, or go on an unplanned adventure.
Depending solely on niceness to get what you want will result in disappointment and failure, and even worse it might make you cynical about the merits of kindness. Don't stop being nice. Keep it up! But don't let that be your only positive personality trait - it's just not enough. Nice people are just nice. Dynamic (experienced, brave, funny, intelligent, passionate, and nice) people are sexy. Sit down and consider yourself honestly. Figure out what else you can bring to the table and focus on developing and highlighting those traits, because I guarantee there is more to you than just being nice.
Stay sexy my friends! And of course...
Enjoy the beautiful view!
Photo Credit: Cell Phone